You're an Intimacy Choreographer?! Three Pros share how they found their path in this new career

We’re pulling back the curtain on what it looks like to build a career as an intimacy professional. 

This month, we’re spotlighting three incredible professionals who share insight on life, work, and showbiz. These three artists have gained experience and qualifications in very different ways, and we are truly grateful that they are sharing their perspectives and experience with IDC and our community. 

We asked all of them a few questions about their careers and their answers are below! We’re happy to introduce you to…

Cha Ramos (she/ella) has been teaching with IDC since Spring 2021, and she is currently teaching our Level 3 ID cohort. Cha is a multidisciplinary theater artist with a metric montón of books, swords, and altars in her NYC apartment. Cha creates work as an intimacy and fight director, dramaturg, playwright, performer, and instructor. Current projects include: intimacy and fight direction for Dom Juan at the Fisher Center at Bard College; associate intimacy direction for Company on Broadway; dramaturgy for new works by José Rivera and Leslie Ayvazian; performing with the Vixens En Garde all-female sword-fighting Shakespeare comedy troupe; teaching intimacy and stage combat in person and online; and the ongoing development of her own original plays Fire Burn Them and Like to the Gods. More info at www.CallMeCha.com

How did you get into/what inspired you to pursue intimacy work? 

Cha: A million and one things! From the Latin partner dancing I grew up doing at family parties, to acting and directing from the time I was a teenager, to finding stage combat and more heightened physical storytelling as a young adult, I’ve always been drawn to the art that’s possible when bodies come together and the communication required to make that art ethically and joyfully. As the field of professional intimacy direction began to blossom it just felt natural to blossom with it.

Lormarev: IDI (Intimacy Directors International) came to my region and did a workshop.  It was such a fruitful, exploratory weekend.  I didn't know that I wanted to be an ID yet, but I did know I wanted to study and learn more about Consent-Forward spaces - especially since I am an educator. 

Marcus: Several things lined up perfectly for me. I have a strong movement background, many years experience performing and choreographing physical violence, I was a teaching assistant for Alicia Rodis while she was co-founding IDI, and I was able to step away from my day job. Before I was working as an IP, I was sometimes brought in to choreograph scenes of sexual violence, and I approached those scenes in the same way I would a fist fight: physical boundaries, story, techniques, breath work etc. So when Alicia started developing workshops I always tried to attend knowing that this would really help me to develop proper language and understanding around shaping these vulnerable moments. The more I learned, the more involved I wanted to be in this profession.

Can you define in your own words, where you’re at in your career right now?

Cha: Honestly? I’m living my dreams. I’m a multidisciplinary theatre artist working regularly as an intimacy director, fight director, dramaturg, playwright, and actor in spaces and with people I deeply admire and respect. Not to mention that as a teaching artist with IDC and independently I’m able to facilitate spaces where folks can find their own unique paths to this work. It’s a humbling, exhausting, and wildly exciting place to be.

Lormarev: I would describe it as intermediate, I guess. I feel equipped to stage most scenes of intimacy, but maybe not the more advanced possibilities.

Marcus: I am an IP currently working consistently in TV and Film in and around NYC. 

Tell us about one project you’ve worked on that you are particularly proud of, and why?

Cha: I think I may forever talk about Cabaret when this question comes up. I acted as the overall Movement Director (fights, intimacy, and dance) for a Columbia MFA production of the Kander and Ebb musical directed by Jonathan Seinen, that had at its center a desire to work towards queer utopia both on stage and off. It was a challenging, liberating, and unexpectedly healing process for me as an artist and a person. Nothing about that show or the movement I designed for it or the space we fought to create together was “normative” — and in many ways it set a new standard for the kinds of stories I want to work on and the spaces I want to be a part of facilitating.

Lormarev: I helped an actor set a closure practice after a scene where their character has a panic attack.  An intimate solo moment for that actor that did not involve touch per se, but just as important for safety. 

Marcus: I would say working with the background actors in Halston on Netflix. I was allowed a lot of freedom in choreography. They (the BG actors) were also super appreciative of the position and the work we did. It was very collaborative.

What are your strengths as an Intimacy Professional?

Cha: Right now I’m sitting with one specific strength of mine that’s sort of hard to describe... I think I’d call it a capacity to not assume anything. When I walk into a room as an ID, I work very hard to leave my assumptions at the door — to not assume that I know what that room wants or needs, that my collaborators know what I do or what I bring, that I know any individual collaborator’s identity or ability or boundaries or communication style. It’s important for me to allow the room to be what it is at any given moment. And rather than overwhelm or paralyze me, this potentiality of absolutely anything being possible somehow primes me for more authentic work, creativity, and communication. 

Lormarev: I have an innate ability to read the energy of a room.  

Marcus: Choreography and telling a specific story through movement. I have a very critical eye in terms of what the movement is telling the viewer. I also feel that I am adept at working with, and adapting to, many different strong personalities; which is definitely needed on set. 

What’s something you learned about intimacy work the hard way?

Cha: Uf, lots of things. So many things. But the one I’m thinking of right now is: while I can take responsibility for certain practices being the norm in a room, and I can support accountability pathways, I cannot take responsibility for other people’s feelings or actions. Nor should I. It is unfair to myself (and to them!) to try, but it has been very hard for me to let go of a kind of child-of-immigrants perfectionism that tells me that I am at fault if anything in the room goes wrong. 

Lormarev: Not everyone is interested in prioritizing Consent-Forward spaces.  

Marcus: It is lonely in a way. I am a department of one. Many times I am joining a production for just one or two days. The crew already knows each other and I am stepping in just for a short time. I have to have people I trust who I can reach out to to discuss situations and analyze decisions made in a split second, usually after the fact. But it is important to do so; to check my intuition with others and hold myself accountable. 

Have you chosen to be certified? Why or why not?

Cha: I have not and I don’t think I will. I was doing versions of this work before I had ever heard the term “intimacy choreographer” and I was in some of the earliest rooms that were using the term. I was learning from folks who were creating their own pedagogies as they were emerging and I’ve always found deep value in the many different voices, techniques, strategies, successes, failures, collaborations, and conversations that have shaped my own practice over the years. By the time any institution created a certification pathway, I felt committed to the path I was making for myself and I haven’t stopped forging, adjusting, creating and re-creating that path for myself. I may change my mind someday, but for now I don’t feel the need for it.

Lormarev: As an African-American woman - with the added baggage of working in academia, institutions and organizations do not "take chances" on me.  I have to have a co sign from someone (usually a white person) that verifies that I am qualified for the work I do.  I chose the certification pathway because I wanted to continue gathering knowledge about this craft AND so that I would be taken seriously in every room I enter.  IDC is one of the leaders of this work - and association with the brand and reputation can only work in my favor.

Marcus: I have.  I was first certified with IDI. Because it was (and relatively still is) such a new position, I felt that I would need all the help I could get to start working; especially as a male IP.  As a certified IC and ID, my information was put on the website, and it gave me a community of people with whom I could connect and bounce ideas off of early on. I also like the accountability.

How has your choice to be or not be certified impacted your work if at all?

Cha: I honestly don’t feel that it has. It certainly surprises folks, especially those who think certification is the “only way” to do this work ethically. Although that surprise can sometimes ping my imposter syndrome, more and more I feel a certain amount of pride and responsibility in being an example of someone who honors the myriad ways one can be qualified to do this work, including my own way!

Lormarev: Because I chose the certification route, I was able to get partial funding for my Level 3 class.  Academia loves certification as a concept - for obvious reasons.  

Marcus: I would say yes in that it provided me with colleagues and mentors that have helped me to shape my understanding of the field  and the many facets of the job. But I might have had access to them without the certification. I think the certification has been more useful in getting my foot in the door with productions. I personally do not hold any higher education degree and I believe that lived experience, knowledge of, and continued desire to learn is all someone should need. More so early on, but productions would say they found me through the IDI website or a fellow certified professional. I think early on productions were reaching out to certifying organizations about being connected with IPs. Now most of my work is coming from recommendations from previous productions and colleagues.

What are your thoughts on the current questions around certification and qualification in our industry?

Cha: I think the conversation around certification and qualification is so deeply important. I think we need to continue asking the hard questions about intimacy training — about accessibility, equity, accountability, what makes a person qualified to do this work, how we can demand rigor in this work without becoming exclusionary, how we can honor different pathways to qualification and demand that our industry do the same, etc. 

I have an MFA in Dramaturgy because I wanted a formal theatre education and I didn’t feel I had the tools to create my own in a way that felt robust. My MFA doesn’t mean that I’m done learning or that I’m “better” than any other dramaturg out there, but it was important to me and I am proud of it. I also recognize, however, that my MFA does privilege me in many spaces (even though, for full clarity, there are plenty of folks with MFAs who are shitty people and/or artists…) so I feel it is my responsibility in those spaces to name that I’m being privileged, create space for folks who don’t have that privilege, and change the conversation about what makes a great dramaturg or theatre maker at every turn.

I use this example to say: I have many colleagues and friends who are certified intimacy professionals and many who are not certified. Being certified does not mean you’re automatically a great IP and we should work to not privilege certification, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a very useful path for many different folks for many different reasons. It is important to me that in our community we do not privilege any one pathway and instead cultivate a culture of abundance where many pathways are honored.  

Lormarev: It is an individual choice. It's choose-your-own-adventure.  You can still be Consent-Forward and not be certified.  And that's still valid. 

Marcus: I hope it is clear that certification is not the only route to being a working intimacy professional, but if you choose not to go through a certification process, please take special care to take the necessary training and be well versed in choreographing movement.

What are you the most curious about or still learning about in your intimacy work?

Cha: So. Many. Things. I’m fascinated by the possibility of working on medical scenes or immersive theatre or in non-narrative work or a million other circumstances I have yet to encounter thus far. I’m also regularly learning from my queer community and from disability justice and racial justice advocates, both inside and outside the theatre, about how we can make scenes of intimacy more inclusive, specific, and exciting. I am also learning that I have almost no interest / penchant for working in film which is useful information too! I am absolutely certain that there are so many more things for me to learn and so many more ways I can grow in this practice.

Lormarev: How to manage a short time allotment for the work.  Balancing time restraints in a process with "moving at the speed of trust."  

Marcus: Everything! I want to continue to learn and grow as an advocate, a story teller, and a communicator. I am excited to see the advancements in garments and barriers, inclusive and accurate language in regards to casting and contracts, and the excitement around and acceptance of the position in society!

What are some questions you frequently get asked about your work?

Cha: I regularly get asked exactly what it is! I think a lot of folks are still being introduced to the concept of intimacy practices at all. And I think it’s important that when I answer that question I speak to what I do, what my principles are, and acknowledge that there are many definitions of this work swirling around our industry that are worth investigating and exploring. 

I also get asked if it’s hard or stressful or tiring — and, sure, it can be all of those things. But I think what it mostly is for me is joyful. To me, intimacy practices allow for a certain amount of agency that creates more space for play, for discovery, for authentic collaboration. And that’s joyful, even when it’s also hard.

Lormarev: "Is that really necessary/needed?" is the most common.  

Marcus: Most people ask how I got into doing this kind of work. they are very interested in how someone gets their start as a choreographer for simulated sex.

Can you share a story about an everyday success in your role as an IP?

Cha: Just the other day I had a costume designer thank me for bringing consent conversations into the space! For years, she’s felt like one of the only people considering the actors’ vulnerability on stage, checking in on moments of exposure, the need for modesty garments, etc. and it was refreshing to her to have someone in the room who’s job it was to check in on these things and liaise between her, the actors, and the director. It was a small side conversation in the midst of a complicated tech process, but it was a big win for me.

Lormarev: The philosophies around boundaries can be applied to any facet of life.  This work has helped me better define boundaries around work, family, etc., and the concept of "less urgency" in my life overall - life-changing. 

Marcus: It’s easy to get bogged down in the logistics and the “job”, but everyday I am on a set, someone tells me how glad they are that I was there, and how important they think the position is!

Any advice for someone who’s interested in starting this work?

Cha: Take stock of what you’ve got and what you don’t! What are your strengths, your expertise, your experience with interpersonal dynamics, movement practices, consent work, inclusion? What education or training or mentorship or practice do you want/need to expand your craft? Do you feel like you’re starting from zero and want a guided program? Or do you feel like you are deeply into a personal path and just need a lab space or a community class or a series of conversations with a colleague who has a different set of experiences? Honor what you know and be radically honest with yourself about what you don’t. And then enjoy your journey!

Lormarev: There is plenty of independent research you can do outside of a formal certification path.  Use your local library to borrow books about somatic experience, trauma, sex therapy,  etc.  

Marcus: Ask questions! It ok to not know, but super important to take the steps necessary to be well trained in all aspects of the job. Have a self care routine and practice it! Start learning to teach and critique movement; you must know how to create a story through physicality!

Let us know what you think! Leave a comment in the Consent Studio.